Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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