His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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