as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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