6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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