Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
