I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
