i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
