I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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