My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love accidental penises.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
