Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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