that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
