Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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