remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
