I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
