wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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