Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
