508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Randomize
