there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
