you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
