so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
