I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
