i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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