he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
