why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
