she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
