yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
