it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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