Michael Bay diarrhea
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
