I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
