i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
