It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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