Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
