his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
