I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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