i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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