Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
