he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
