Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
