A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
