Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize