I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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