I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
