Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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