i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
