Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
