I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
