Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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