Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
