i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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