So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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