I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Boobs speak an international language.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
