The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
