"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
