Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want her autograph on my taint
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
