everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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