i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
