my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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