Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
