I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's shark week go big or go home
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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