yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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