I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
