those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
