there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
