Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
