I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
