She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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