also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize