I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
