i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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