i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
