She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
