Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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