Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
