Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're too hungover to prance.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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