I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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