its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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