I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Be still, my beating vagina.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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